Part 63: Chapter the Fifth: Wherein I get frustrated with international call-ups.
Chapter the Fifth: Wherein I get frustrated with international call-ups.November 10, 2017-December 5, 2017
What do I see when I open my inbox on Armstice Day?
We've got a match at first place Bournemouth during this international match period. I cannot wait until we're in the Premier League, playing eight fewer league games a year using a schedule planned with players on international duty in mind.
Collier's Park
Staff Conference Room
: Ok, I think that's it for this meeting. The list with player training assignments has been emailed to everyone. That's all.
: (Coming up to the Coach after the meeting) Hey, Coach, have you heard from Mujkic, Coulson, and Shirra?: I got an email a couple days ago that they're still where I sent them for vacation, yeah. Why?: Oh, you sent them on vacation together. That makes some sense. Did you send them anywhere nice? Blackpool is wretched this time of year.: Nah, I sent them to Eurodisney.: (Aghast) What?!: Yeah, I'd been thinking about how much I loved Disney World when my grandparents took me as a little kid, and Shirra's only 17 so I didn't want them going someplace where the other two could get him into too much trouble, so-: Don't you know about Eurodisney?: That they changed the name to Disneyland Paris? Yeah, seems kind of silly to-: That place is a death trap!Meanwhile, at Eurodisney:
(Night, three shapes run across the main square of
.png)
: Have we lost them?
: (breathing heavily) They can't get away with this, all those brainwashed employees!
: (Peering out into the gloom) Oh, no! Look!
: He can't! He wouldn't!(The Donald Duck proceeds to crush the ducklings beneath it's webbed feet, cackling in it's distinctive voice)
: What monsters they are in the dark.(A shadow looms behind them)
: Come along, children, don't you want to visit Ariel's cave of wonders? UNDER THE SEA?!(Coulson, Mujkic, and Shirra scream)
vs. Accrington Stanley, November 11, 2017
FA Cup, First Round
As I said when we drew Accrington, it's not a tough draw but I would have much preferred we end up with a home game against some complete patsy. Accrington could upset us, and that would be very bad for my desire to make lots of money. We need to make sure we don't overlook Accrington.
Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack
Starting 11: Higgs, Peters, Todd, Curran, Smissen, Harper, Holland, Bailey, Rainey, Gorman, Harrison (c).
Subs: Taylor, Thomas, Tench, Poole, Holt, Price, Read.
We are entirely superior statistically for the first half. That doesn't change the fact that it's still a scoreless game. I scream at the players in a manner that would make the department of social services take my children away, and it seems to startle them into better play. Harrison is our goalscorer, tapping in a ball after a first chance by Smissen was just stopped by the keeper and the rebound hammered against the crossbar by Gorman. We can't stop Accrington from leveling the score, and we're going to have to play them again if we're to advance. It was a lazy performance, and I'm infuriated. My rage redounds across the Wrexham offices when my PA informs me that the replay is scheduled for the same period of time that a full quarter of our team are on international duty.
Wrexham 1-1 Accrington
They can rest assured that I'm angry too. But it's not like we're out of the competition.
Again, not the worst possible draw, but still more of a pain in the tuchas than we need.
No, money is not going to make me less angry about having to play another game against a team we should have trounced.
(Coulson, Mujkic, and Shirra are shackled against the wall in the secret Cinderella Castle dungeon. Horrific screams, some of them emanating from mouths that could in no way be human are heard in the background)
: What's your problem, mate?!: You will wait for the Master.: What master? What are you talking about, you creepy rodent?: You will wait for the Master.(A voice is heard in the darkness, sounding as if it's coming through a speaker)
: I'm here, my loyal little mouse. You may go.(Walt Disney's severed head in a jar clambers into view atop an eight legged mechanical monstrosity)
: Yesss, Master.: What.(The mouse... thing leaves, closing the door behind it)
: You've uncovered too much of our secret, and we can't have anything bad about Disney being said. I'm afraid you'll have to be our guest.(a large needle springs out from the base of Disney's walker)
: And put our service to the test.: Oh no, do anything you like, but don't ruin the Gaston song for me! I sing it in the shower to psych myself up for the day!: Is that so? Well then you should make an excellent... employee.: (Almost to himself) So that's how they got Johnny Depp to keep making those terrible Pirates of the Caribbean sequels.(Suddenly, there's a commotion outside the cell door, Disney turns and steps back towards it)
: What in the blazes?(The door flies open, knocking the jar off of Disney's ambulatory contraption. His head rolls out of the jar and across the floor, while Justin Bailey, Stuart Simpson, and the Coach pile into the chamber)
: Bailey, Simpson, help me get them out of there.: I never thought I'd be so happy to see my boss.(The three are freed in short order)
: OK, let's get out of here and back to Wales. I always knew there was something off about Disney. I had just thought it was that they were really horrible on intellectual property rights.
: (gesturing to Disney) What about him?: You'll pay for this, whoever you are! No one spites Disney! No one!: Leave him, we have to get out of here before Jafar realizes that Bailey pickpocketed his keys.(They rush out, and away to safety)
: Err. A little help? Anyone?
Well, now we've just pissed off a giant international conglomerate secretly led by a head in a jar who has mutant versions of his beloved creations at his beck and call. I don't see how this could possibly cause an trouble in the future. Glad our games aren't carried on ESPN, though, we'd never get picked for broadcast.
vs. Rotherham, November 14, 2017
Johnston's Paint Trophy, North Quarterfinals
Back to more important things! Hiding Rotherham would be a good way to set about repressing those memories. Plus, we're now at full strength again. Also, spotted in the Rotherham lineup? Shaun Spilsbury! Let's hope he's as ineffective for them as he was for us.
Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack.
Starting 11: Higgs, Tench, Poole, Lewis, Thomas (c), Harper, Holland, Bailey, Price, Mujkic, Read.
Subs: Smissen, Curran, Shirra, Gorman, Harrison.
Swansea's coach is in the stands, wanting a look at Adrian Read. Back off, Swans, we're the biggest club in Wales, you can't have our young stars. He shouldn't be that impressed by Read, who like the rest of our team continues loafing as if I haven't been screaming at them for the last three matches. Rotherham plays us dead even in the first half, and it's anyone's game. I continue to punish my larynx, and I see a slight improvement in the second where we create more chances than Rotherham and put ourselves ahead on a Tony Price goal. Rotherham has a perfect opportunity to tie the game in stoppage time, but their midfielder misses what really should have been a goal. We escape with a win, and I remind the players that we could easily have lost to a team we crushed by five goals just two weeks earlier.
Man of the Match: Gary Tench
Wrexham 1-0 Rotherham
The election is much earlier this year, for reasons that are opaque to me. If you want to run for president, tell me the most embarrassing thing you've ever seen happen to someone playing sports. My four favorite will get assigned to one of these dudes.
Glee! Christmas come early!
He's back just in time. Harper's been cromulent, but he's not our Captain.
At Bournemouth November 18, 2017
League One
We're not offered the option to delay the game. This is the FA getting back at us for pointing out the terrible penalty calls in the Sunderland game, isn't it? Bournemouth isn't quite on the breakneck pace they were earlier in the season, they've gotten two points out of their last three games, but we're missing a quarter of the team. We're so hard up for players that Gavin Baker emerges from the reserves to take a seat on the bench.
Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Defense
Starting 11: Higgs, Tench, Lewis, Poole, Smissen, Harper (c), Holland, Bailey, Price, Gorman, Read.
Subs: Taylor, Thomas, Simpson, Holt, Shirra, Coulson, Baker.
After the fourth time a shot from a Bournemouth player beats Higgs and narrowly misses going into the goal I start getting philosophical. Perhaps the best thing that could happen to us is losing a game that we weren't very likely to win anyways, so that the players can be reminded that victory must be earned, rather than expected. Bournemouth finally scores in the second half, and while we play better than we did in the first half we go down to only our second defeat in eleven matches.
Man of the Match: Michael Coulson.
Bournemouth 2-1 Wrexham
We've gone into the bowl five times for cup competitions, and each time we've been drawn at home. And once again we get a relatively easy JPT draw. The game wants us to go back to the finals, I can feel it.
Coulson did his level best to get us a result in the Bournemouth match, but he couldn't do it on his own.
I thought we'd do pretty well in League One, the talent difference with League Two isn't nearly as stark as that between the Skrill Premier and League Two, but we're doing better than I could have possibly hoped.
Fingers crossed, but we've been remarkably lucky in not having major injuries occur to our players when they're on international duty. I once had a great Colombian winger who would get seriously hurt like clockwork every time he was called up to his national team, and it was always just in time for him to miss an important match.
Aww, 3000 fans as a big crowd. How quaint.
At Accrington Stanley, November 21, 2017
FA Cup, First Round Replay
If we lose this, I'm going to make them run the stairs on the stadium until the start of our next match. I will shoot the first player who stops.
Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack
Starting 11: Higgs, Thomas, Lewis, Poole, Smissen, Simpson (c), Holland, Shirra, Coulson, Gorman, Read (c).
Subs: Taylor, Tench, Harper, Holt, Bailey, Price, Upson.
I was wrong about a loss to Bournemouth knocking some sense into the team. This match is a carbon copy of the last. We once again can't make anything work in the first half, and are lucky to be at zero-all at the half. I once again rage at the players, who respond by giving up one goal, and then another one, before we finally score one ourselves late in the half. Except this time it knocks us out of the FA Cup, and it's attendant exposure to the British public. Most importantly, it means we're not getting a big pay day. This is one of my most embarrassing defeats as a coach.
You said it, McKayla.
Accrington 2-1 Wrexham
Remember what I said about Read potentially supplanting Harrison? Certainly not going to happen yet.
Mujkic has been pretty awesome. I don't think he'll win the award, but he's certainly deserving of the recognition.
At Millwall, November 25, 2017
League One
Millwall was relegated last season, and had a firesale. After selling off nearly eight million pounds worth of players, they got off to a horrible start before recovering somewhat. So it's perfect timing to face our slumping mess of a club. If we were Arsenal there'd be millions of bits spilled about “WEGNER IN CRISIS” after the last five matches.
They've got two youth players on their right side, and the other right side players are not that impressive. I'm going to try to exploit that.
Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack
Starting 11: Higgs, Tench, Lewis, Curran, Smissen, Simpson (c), Holland, Bailey, Coulson, Mujkic, Harrison.
Subs: Taylor, Thomas, Todd, Harper, Shirra, Price, Upson.
We're down one before the game's even started. We proceed to miss easy chances, and then go down two after just twenty minutes. I'm so close to the towering inferno that this football club has become I can feel the flames licking at my skin. We are doomed. We were always doomed.
Then Simpson decides that he's not going down without a fight. He laces an amazing strike from thirty meters out. But so what, we've made the final margin more respectable before, and there's a full hour for them to score again. Then Bailey, Smissen, and Mujkic combine on a beautiful set of one touch play to tie the game. But we've been here before, struggling to do more than the least that's expected of us. Then Harrison gives us the lead after more lovely, flowing play. So maybe we can squeak out a victory after all. Then Coulson adds to his already estimable highlight real with a banana shot that rattles off both the crossbar and post on its passage to the back of the net. I'm pretty sure we're going to win this one! Then Coulson adds another goal after his trailing run leaves him in perfect position to pounce on a rebound from Harrison's shot. It's the best we've played in weeks, and the storm is past. I never doubted it would for a second.
Man of the Match: Michael Coulson
Millwall 2-5 Wrexham
Teams need to use more colors in their kit design. Why not pastels?
vs. Hartlepool November 28, 2017
League One
Hartlepool is on a big time streak right now, having won five straight to shoot up the table. We'll see if the storm really has passed if we can beat them.
Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack
Starting 11: Higgs, Peters, Todd, Poole, Smissen, Harper, Simpson (c), Bailey, Price, Mujkic, Harrison.
Subs: Taylor, Tench, Curran, Holland, Shirra, Gorman, Coulson.
Hartlepool gets off one long ranged shot the entire first half. We get a whole lot of chances, but don't convert on them. There's a full four minutes of stoppage time before the half, and I'm concerned that we're going to let Hartlepool off the hook, but Mujkic finally scores and we can take the lead into halftime. We continue to be profligate with our chances, but it doesn't matter as the unrelenting pressure never lets Hartlepool mount an offensive. It's a good, solid win.
Man of the Match: Mateo Mujkic
Wrexham 1-0 Hartlepool
I suggest offering ponies.
Yes, don't give it to me because I lost one game against the best team in the league where seemingly half my starting eleven was with their national teams. Give it to Bowman for drawing with friggin' Swindon.
The board is disappointed that we crashed out of the FA Cup so early, but that's all forgiven thanks to our League One position.
vs. Oldham Athletic, December 2, 2017
League One
This should be a win. Oldham have won two games all season, and have a goal differential of worse than -1... per game. With more than a week off coming up before the holiday season is upon us, I'm playing our best performing players.
Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Attack
Starting 11: Higgs, Tench, Lewis, Poole, Smissen, Harper, Simpson (c), Bailey, Coulson, Mujkic, Harrison.
Subs: Taylor, Peters, Todd, Holland, Shirra, Rainey, Price.
Tench gets crunched in the fifth moment and has to be stretchered off the field. It's not an auspicious start. We have ten shots by the time they take their third, but that third is the one that counts on the scoreboard. There's an immediate equalizer from the foot of Mujkic, but then we fall behind again with just minutes left before the midpoint. It continues to be a see-saw battle into the second half, with Harrison and Mujkic scoring to give us our first lead of the day, but a harsh tackle batters Bailey and forces him out of the game. When Oldham knots it up at three apiece we can't muster a fourth, and we waste a chance to take easy points.
Man of the Match: Meteor Mujkic
Wrexham 3-3 Oldham
What? Concussions? What sort of namby-pamby sport is this? Rub some dirt on it and go do 100 headers.
More seriously, we're lucky it wasn't a worse injury and that Bailey is none the worse for wear after his clattering. When players go down and can't continue with lots of time left on the clock it usually forebodes a poor prognosis.
Todd has stunk this year, his 6.62 rating is the worst of any of our centerbacks. If Leeds wants to offer me several million pounds for him, I'm willing to listen.
I sometimes forget he's still on the team.
Yeah, it's more likely that I sell you. But if I can't find a buyer I'll certainly loan you out.
He's already gotten into eight games for us this season, he doesn't have much room to complain that much about playing time.
Bradford stomped all over their opponent this past week, hence all the mustard yellow shirts. Can't displace Mujkic from his rightful spot on the team, though.
For all the heartburn over the last month, the results don't actually look that bad. We picked up seven points in four games in league play, and our only loss was at the top team in the league while two of our best players (Harrison and Mujkic) were out. Getting bounced from the FA Cup by a League Two team is a kick in the teeth, but it doesn't matter that much in the big scheme of things. Our next step is going to be stepping up to join Bradford and Sunderland and gaining some separation over the tight pack of teams following us. But even as we stand I think our chances for promotion are bright, something I wouldn't have said when the season started. And if you want to run for president, tell me the most embarrassing thing you've ever seen happen to someone playing sports. The four that I like best will get assigned to the candidates. Voting open until the next update is posted.
